Monday, October 5, 2009

Divas To The Dancefloor

It's never too late for a bitch slapfest.

September 29 was the day the U.S. music charts went down in ginfamy*. Or at least, what Gawker calls 
the day that Mariah Carey, Madonna, Barbra Streisand, and Britney Spears battled for supremacy in gay hearts and minds.

That's right, today is the drop date for Mariah Carey's Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel, a collection of slow jams that includes her instant classic cover of "I Want to Know What Love Is;" Madonna's greatest hits double-disc collection Celebration, that features two new singles; and Barbra Streisand's Love is the Answer, a collection of cabaret standards. Not to be outdone by those older and wiser, Britney Spears tried to steal some of the spotlight by releasing the single "3" today. Smooth movie Britney. And it's pretty good, as far as catchy, crappy pop songs go.

So, who will be the big victor in the Diva Death Battle 2009? Lady Gaga of course! What? She doesn't even have an album out today! Precisely, but she is poised to be the gay icon of the youngest babygays that are just taking their first fledgling steps on the big pink road we call queendom. While there is definitely plenty of crossover between the Madonna/Mariah/Britney crowd, only confirmed bachelors of a certain age are going to be purchasing the new Streisand.

I confess that although my fervor for the Material Mama has greatly waned over the years (the last time I thrilled to Madonna was back in her Ray Of Light phase - truly light-years ago), I still follow her exploits on occasion, the way an ex-lover would wonder about a lost paramour from time to time. I was never into Mariah, although she became mildly interesting to me after she went loopy. Same thing with poor Brit: I only became attracted to her output after she had her famous head-shaving meltdown. Babs, on the other hand, belongs to another generation altogether. And, at the opposite end of the spectrum, so does Lady Gaga.

Maybe it's the old link between art and insanity that fascinates me, although in my opinion Her Madgesty has never truly been wacko. Her every move has been a calculated one, and I think I have far more respect for her business smarts than her music. By the same token, I should be interested in GaGa, as well. Her outlandish costumes, sense of theatrics, and uncanny ability to generate press remind me of early Madonna (navel-baring, anyone?)

They were also both Catholic schoolgirls and share a knack for self-promotion and a talent for courting publicity. So why am I disinterested in raging debates about who stole whose style and whether Lady GaGa is indeed this generation's gay icon?

Her Madjesty and her Heir Apparent at Marc Jacobs' fashion show.

Maybe I'm just too old for these things.

*Ginfamy: Gawkerian for "gay infamy."


  1. madonna forever. but yeah, i like lady gaga, too. :)

  2. @ Aris: Haha! I suppose I'll always be on Madonna's side, no matter how annoying and pretentious she can be sometimes. I'm still on the fence about GaGa, though; I think she has a good, strong voice, but the attention-getting tactics tend to get in the way of her music.

  3. What I like about Lady Gaga is that no matter how outrageous her outfits are, she seems to get away with it. Compared with Britney who, out of sheer desperation self destructed herself, Lady G, shone like an angel in a deluded world.

    As for Madonna. She will pass on to this world leaving more tributes and honors than what Jacko had ever received. You're right, her moves are very, very calculated.

  4. @ Knox : Haha, well, Britney's really just a hillbilly at heart. She cleans up well, but ya just cain't take the country outta the girl, y'all.

    In contrast, behind all those costumes and antics, GaGa seems like a bright girl who knows what she's doing. And like her predecessor, she's keenly aware of her strengths and uses them to offset her weaknesses.

    As to whether she'll just be a flash in the pan or will go on to enduring divahood, only time will tell.

  5. hahaha... madonna pa din.. although lady gaga is a close fight...

  6. i made it through the wilderness
    somehow i made it through...

    my back turned to yours, i start swaying my hips, then slowly, slowly turning around, i put my hands in front tracing my throbbing muscle. as the song continues, so am i, grinding to the beat, my eyes looking straight at you, my lips teasing.

    like a virgin
    touched for the very first time...

    but then again, it's just my imagination running wild again. you see, i'm a virgin with a capital V.

    not to mention a madonna fan.

  7. @ wanderingcommuter: Nice to know that there's still a lot of us Madonna lovers around :P

    @john stanley : I wanna kiss you in Paris. I wanna hold your hand in Rome. I wanna run naked in a rainstorm. Make love in a train cross-country.

    As for your "virginity": what are you saving it for? Christmas?

  8. Mariah is ok. Barbra is ok. Madonna is ok. Lady Gaga is ok. But, Britney - OMFG - I named a fish after her so there. Haha.

  9. As a good trannie friend of mines opines:

    Iba pa rin si Lowlah Barang!

  10. @ Tristan : Well - what KIND of fish did you name after her? If it's a goldfish, that's not too bad. But if it's, oh say, a mudfish, then that speaks volumes. Aheheheh.

    @ Eternal Wanderer : One can't argue with that legendary "voice like buttah." Babs has been known for her diva fits, but I like her moxie and hell, the lady's earned her stripes.

    But since the rest of the divas outlined here emerged in the Age of MTV - with its emphasis not just on music, but sexiness and looks - I wonder just how Barbra would've fared, with her offbeat looks and that trademark nose. And we might as well stuff Aretha in there, for good measure. Both of them have legendary voices (and the egos to go with them), but are a little lacking in the looks department.

  11. omg! am i the only mariah fan here? lol @EW. san ba ngsimula yang lowlah barang? that made me laugh.

    incidentally, paparazzi's been playing on a loop on my background.

  12. Eye: i dunno, I just heard it from my trannie friend. don't worry, natawa din ako when i first heard it!

  13. rude: i'll chose lowlah barang and aretha anytime.

    they earned their chops. through real singing.

    oooops. flaming statement alert.


  14. @ Eternal Wanderer : Aha! NOW we're talking haha! Barang and Aretha belonged to a different time, when actual singing talent was required of...well, singers. Madonna and her divaspawn, on the other hand, are products of an age where style mostly trumps substance. Remember how Madonna's thin voice was roundly criticized and how she was dismissed as just a flash-in-the-pan compared to, oh, Cyndi Lauper, who was hailed as the "real" artist between the two?

    For better or worse - who's gone on to pop superstardom?

    For further debate, I submit the Jennifer Hudson vs. Beyonce argument. After "Dreamgirls", has Hudson hit the charts in any way, shape, or form? Meanwhile,Sasha Fierce wails on and on and on. ;-)

  15. yeah, call me straight, but i was never fond of divas.

    god i'm so straight!!!

  16. @ engel : I shall never tire of saying this, engel: "Embrace your latent heterosexuality!!!"

  17. Have you seen Madonaa and Lady Gaga's skit in SNL (YouTube)? I hope it's still there. It was short and not really that grand, but still enjoyable.

    Kay Madonna pa rin ako and I loooooove "Ray of Light" lalo na yung sa Confessions Tour.

  18. Rude: J-Hud, hands down. But I did enjoy Single Ladies hehehe Guess am still of conservative tastes then :P

    lolz@divaspawn. Can't help but think of hellspawn!

    but hey, my guilty listening and viewing pleasure of yore were aqua, spice girls, steps, and a-teens hihihihi

    engel: what type of music do you like?

  19. @ Mr. Scheez : I think Ray of Light was her best work, with Like A Prayer a close second. I got some unreleased tracks from Ray of Light off the net - dami pa palang magandang tracks that didn't make it to the CD. Enough for a special version.

    @ E.W. : Somehow, the thought of J.Hud shaking her booty in a skimpy tanga makes me think of hours of entertainment - just not the kind she'd like.

    At any rate, I think most gay men - no matter how butch or straight-acting - secretly enjoy the guilty pleasures of listening (and singing along, the horror, the horror!) to danceable pop hits. I liked Lene of Aqua, too, and a few Spice Girls songs. Hala, TMI.

    And yeah, engel: what's on YOUR iPod?

  20. Barbra Streisand fan here!

    hahaha. yeah yeah yeah am a sucker for those kinds of music. but madonna and gaga are also on my playlist. but hell no to britney ... mariah is so *yawns* uh-um

  21. @ i am beki : Ah, a classicist, at last! You'll be happy to know, then, that according to, Babs won the album launch diva deathmatch. Babs' Love Is The Answer CD snagged the Top Spot on the Billboard 200 albums chart with sales of 180,000, beating out Mariah's Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel which only sold 168,000 copies.

    Expect Mimi to have another breakdown in 5...4...3...2...

  22. lady gaga forever! haha she's re-releasing the fame. she's totally pulling a beyonce.

  23. @ city buoy: Ah, Nyl, Lady GaGa is truly of your generation. I guess you'll be happy to know that she spoke at the National Equality March in Washington just yesterday. Maybe she'll be the Madonna of your generation indeed - both fag hag and crafty businesswoman.

    As for Beyonce - I got the goods on her in some future posts. Stay tuned!