Matter of Fact

In a previous post, we discussed the power of brevity in six-word short fiction stories.


I had no idea that such a short time later, I would be so moved with this - one that, unfortunately, is all too real :

                                             "Patay Na Si Mommy At Daddy."

From here.

And Now For Some Short, Short, Short Stories.

If there is something I, an irreparably verbose writer, cannot be accused of, it is brevity.

Not only is it the source of wit; sometimes, it is the wellspring of some lovely, compact stories.


According to legend, Hemingway was once challenged to come up with a six-word short story. The famous result, of course, was this:

For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.

It is in this spirit of brevity that io9, my favourite sci-fi blog, recently conducted a similar challenge.

The results were as varied as they were interesting. A few of my favourites, below:

"The Universe died. He did not."

Some were stark in their tragedy:

"New world. Cryogenic failure. Seeds dead."

Others, simple in their terror:

"Dad? What's happening to the sun?"


Or prosaic in their horror:

"Oh, God. Mom! Were you bitten?"



This being io9, there was also no shortage of cleverness: 

"Schrodinger," said the cat, "is dead."

Humor:

"Oh, bother, an asteroid," said Styracosaurus.


Irony:

"This means war!" shouted Gandhi V.

Or blasé weariness :

"Another day, another extinction-level event."


There's also a sense of adventure:

"Let's see what's out there, then."


And bittersweetness:

"Gradually, they forgot their own names."


Bleakness:

"Finally sentient, it switched itself off."


Revelation:


"We were all God, all along."


And hope:

Transmission Received: "Not alone."
Hope. Tears.



Check it out yourself. And better yet, try your own hand at it in the comments.


In this age of Twitter that's decimated Blogger, short stories such as these should be a cinch.

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EDIT: What bad form! I asked you to try it yourselves, but didn't provide a six-word story of my own.

No matter; one just finally came to me:

"No rush. The dead will wait."

United Nations of Porn

What are the top searches for porn per country?

If you've ever wondered, well, wonder no more.

PornMD has thoughtfully provided an interactive porn habits infographic that breaks down the Top 10 internet porn searchwords per country.


Naturally, you'd be wondering what the Philippines has been looking for online :

Click to embiggen.

What does it say about us that 5 out of 10 searches were gay-related?

But that doesn't make us win the Miss Gay Country crown, not by a long shot.


As usual, it's South America that takes the prize, with Chile as the first runner-up:

9 out of 10. Not bad. But not good enough.

And taking home the crown - Peru :

                                                                        A perfect gay 10!

And on that note, here's Trekkie Monster from Avenue Q, with that delightful ditty celebrating the wonders of the internet.

Which is for porn, porn, poooorrrrrnnnn!!!

Cats Vs. Dogs

A short intermission between Broadway, death, and general annoyance posts.



Despite the recent, irritating trend of long-term bloggers shuttering or, even more vexingly, simply neglecting their online homes without at least the decency of burning them to the ground, there remain some encouraging developments. Renowned and veteran blogger gillboard, for instance, recently created a new blog called  The Puppy Diarist , that aims to chronicle undoubtedly-amusing and heartwarming* tales of how he plays father to two new dogs.

A comment expressing sympathies for his self-imposed calvary shortly appeared in his Comments Section.



Not mine, unfortunately.




While I am, as my About Me section has stated for the past three years, a "harassed father to (a fluctuating number of) psychotic dogs" and now, two kittens, I tend to share the common opinion that cats are indeed smarter than dogs.

As the following video so scientifically, definitively, and hilariously points out.

If you love either smart cats or stupid dogs, do give the video a chance and watch it. I almost died at "...while here a cat who has just enjoyed an amuse-bouche and a snow pea gratin is fascinated by the dinner conversation about Habermas' Dialectic of Enlightenment."

Alas, the video doesn't go into why they're so smug and snooty. 



Aside from evil.



Which, I suppose, is just as well.




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*Update : Make that "heartbreak" as well. As of this writing, his latest entry is about the loss of his famous parrot - the one in his avatar and the one I threatened to pluck alive years ago.

For more details, go to his blog and read on.

The Paris of the East

Paris, from on high.

When one thinks of Paris, one hardly equates it with Manila. These two very different capital cities, located on opposite sides of the globe, might as well be worlds apart.

But between the glamor of the City of Lights, and the squalor of the City of Blights, lies a little-known secret: that to signal the transition from an Old-World Spanish town to a grand metropolis of the modern American Age, Manila was originally envisioned to be laid out like Paris.

Daniel Burnham, an American architect and urban planner who became one of the most influential American architects of the 20th century, designed Manila's American imprint. 

Taking Paris as his inspiration, Burnham's planned long radial avenues, converging in a network of circles that expanded Manila away from Intramuros, Binondo, and other population centers of the Spanish era. Radial avenues developed new urban vistas and circles required new focal points. At those points, the new administration built monumental buildings.

Burnham upgraded the estero system into a second network that provided water transportation and storm drainage. With boulevards like Paris and canals like Venice, Manila was a masterpiece of the early 20th century Beaux-Arts urban planning style called ''City Beautiful.''

Joseph Hayden, Vice-Governor of the Philippines from 1933-35, writes at the end of his term: ''Manila has become one of the most beautiful, healthiest, and safest cities in the Far East.''

Burnham's layout for Manila. From skyscrapercity.

Ah, Manila. Manila.

I'm a born and bred Manila boy who's always loved the old neo-classical buildings - the Manila Post Office, the National Museum, and City Hall - much more than the imposing Spanish fortresses and cathedrals. I've also had a soft spot for the Art Deco monuments such as the Metropolitan Theater and the late, lamented Jai-Alai building.

Manila Jai-Alai building. Photo by Carl Hayden. From http://www.backpackingphilippines.com/

I love the sweeping curves and the solid lines of Art Deco architecture. It harkens back to an earlier time, a time when Manila was elegant, glamorous, and full of promise.

Manila Metropolitan Theater. From skyscrapercity.com

You can still see some remaining Art Deco structures in the Malate area - usually in the form of apartment buildings. They defiantly stand, mute witnesses to untramelled urban sprawl. Silent sentinels unable to stem the invasion of grotesque Chinese bodegas, garish condominiums and gleaming malls.

At the foot of Jones Bridge, there is a cluster of neo-classical buildings that overlook the Pasig River. The most prominent of these is the El Hogar building, built in 1914:

El Hogar, side view.

One of El Hogar's wide stairwells. Note the intricate metalwork on the railings.

Across El Hogar is the former First National City Bank, built in 1915. A massive structure supported by impressive Ionic columns evoking the solidity and strength essential to any financial edifice. Today, it stands in ruins, abandoned save for a few squatters who inhabit its once-lofty halls.

First National Bank today.

And behind El Hogar still stands the old HSBC building, one of the few English-designed structures in this Spanish-American colony and described by architect Paulo Alcazaren as "probably the last remaining building of the British Empire on these shores."

Photo from traveleronfoot

Now I understand why, walking along the actual Parisian avenues many years ago, I was struck by an oddly-familiar feeling of being...home, somehow.

Beneath the faded facades and crumbling concrete, one can still discern the forgotten beauty of a lost city in these decrepit but proud, tarnished but grand, stoic but stately monuments. If one has eyes to see, they offer fleeting glimpses - like remnants of a dream - of another time, another place. Of a genteel, dignified, and gracious city now lost in the passage of time.

That lost city.

My city.

This "Paris of the East."

Note: I wrote this entry sometime last year but thought it be best to publish it at a more appropriate time. Today being Manila's 439th birthday seems fitting enough. To behold more of Manila's forgotten architectural wonders and see the city through fresh eyes, check out I Heart Manila The author's pictures and commentaries offer refreshing perspectives on this ancient metropolis I call home.


Also, "the Paris of the East" is a more popular moniker for Shanghai, not Manila. But let's not quibble.

Rated X-tianity.

Well, this seems like as appropriate a season as any.

HuffPo reports of a billboard in New Zealand featuring Joseph and Mary in a rather...compromising position which has had devout Xtians Christians up in arms.

Okay, so this is supposed to be...sacrilegious.

WELLINGTON, New Zealand — A billboard at a New Zealand church depicting a downcast Joseph lying beside Mary in bed and the heading "God is a hard act to follow" provoked more than the intended reconsideration of the meaning of Christmas.

The sign was defaced by a paint-wielding vandal just hours after it was erected Thursday outside the St. Matthew-in-the-City Anglican church in Auckland, and triggered passionate and sometimes angry debate on talk radio and the Internet.

The billboard was commissioned by the church and was the work of  M&C Saatchi.  According to the HuffPo story:

Church vicar Archdeacon Glynn Cardy said the billboard was intended to challenge stereotypes about the way Jesus was conceived and get people talking about the Christmas story.

"This billboard is trying to lampoon and ridicule the very literal idea that God is a male and somehow this male God impregnated Mary," said Cardy, who described his church as having very liberal ideas about Christianity.

"We would question the Virgin Birth in any literal sense. We would question the maleness of God in any literal sense," he said.

On the opposing side, Auckland Catholic Diocese spokesperson Lyndsay Freer said

"...the billboard implied the Virgin Mary and Joseph had just had sex and was inappropriate, disrespectful and offensive to Christians.

'We would see a billboard like that being used by an anti-Christian group to actually poke fun at the divinity of Christ,' Freer told National Radio."

Strictly as an ad man, I consider the billboard in bad taste. A cheap shot, a lazy execution, even though it got a chuckle out of me. Then again, Kiwis - like their Aussie neighbors - have always struck me as having a refreshingly irreverent sense of humor. Be that as it may, while the offending billboard certainly has generated attention and interest, I'm unsure if it was the kind the church was aiming for. Judging by the response thus far, instead of thought it seems to have provoked anger instead. Way to lose your target audience, Saatchi.

But what do you call throwing brown paint over an image of the BVM, then?

Mmm I wonder if these guys ever surfed LOLJesus. They only have 30 piddling entries in their Hate Mail section as of presstime. Whatever stripe of Christian you are, you just gotta love their tagline: Dedicated to Damnation. That's as truthful a disclaimer as there ever was.

However, if you value your eternal soul, maybe you better not click on that link. Just stick with seancody or xtube or chat away on mIRC. These fine alternative sites are supposed to roast you in hellfire forever and ever the same way, anyhow - but with less LOLs and more tiKOLs.

In the meantime, I look forward to your knee-jerk reactions the same way I am looking forward to my family Christmas reunion tomorrow. Because if ever there is a hell, that annual event comes closest to it.

The Rainbow Connections

While the rest of the civilized world seems to be on Facebook, I, along with the Tasadays and certain members of the Trobriand Islanders, have thus far resisted its siren call. It's not just because I'm antisocial; it's more because I'm not really interested to know that the dicks I hated in high school are still alive. Fat, ugly, and pathetic - but still alive, damn them.

Also, because "Discretion is the quintessence of propriety" is one of my favorite quotations of all time. Personally, if I wanted all my professional contacts, living family members, and remaining potential future-ex-wives to know I occasionally smoke the pole, I'd have recorded it on HD and sold it in Quiapo.

This is a non-issue, of course, for those of us who are out. But it does present a bit of a dilemma for those of us who are not. Belaboring the obvious, I might genuinely like someone who is brave enough not to hide his sexual preference from the world, but having him - and by extension his friends - on my list would be ticklish at best, damning at worst. Which is why, of course, the gay gods created Friendster, PlanetRomeo, and the late, lamented g4m.

Anyhow, those closeted/confused/unsure among us on FB should find this development... interesting :

Facebook Gaydar Emerges From Breakthrough MIT Project

"Are you quietly stalking someone and too dense to figure out their sexual orientation from Google searches, Flickr party photos and real-life gossip? Well, a couple of MIT geniuses invented just the tool for you.

The best part of Carter Jernigan and Behram Mistree's software, created for a research project, is that you don't even need to "friend" your target to figure out if he's gay. You simply need access to his friends list, which is made public by default on Facebook. In the students' test, which examined 947 profiles, the program identified all 10 of 10 men the students knew to be gay, but who had not declared so on Facebook, according to a summary in the Boston Globe."

If you're too lazy to click links, the Boston Globe summary says:

"Discussions of privacy often focus on how to best keep things secret, whether it is making sure online financial transactions are secure from intruders, or telling people to think twice before opening their lives too widely on blogs or online profiles. But this work shows that people may reveal information about themselves in another way, and without knowing they are making it public. Who we are can be revealed by, and even defined by, who our friends are: *if all your friends are over 45, you’re probably not a teenager; if they all belong to a particular religion, it’s a decent bet that you do, too. The ability to connect with other people who have something in common is part of the power of social networks, but also a possible pitfall. If our friends reveal who we are, that challenges a conception of privacy built on the notion that there are things we tell, and things we don’t.

The idea behind the MIT work, done in 2007, is as old as the adage that birds of a feather flock together. For years, sociologists have known of the “homophily principle” - the tendency for similar people to group together. People of one race tend to have spouses, confidants, and friends of the same race, for example. Jernigan and Mistree downloaded data from the Facebook network, choosing as their sample people who had joined the MIT network and were in the classes 2007-2011 or graduate students. They were interested in three things people frequently fill in on their social network profile: their gender, a category called “interested in” that they took to denote sexuality, and their friend links.

Using that information, they “trained” their computer program, analyzing the friend links of 1,544 men who said they were straight, 21 who said they were bisexual, and 33 who said they were gay. Gay men had proportionally more gay friends than straight men, giving the computer program a way to infer a person’s sexuality based on their friends."

Or as Friendster might say : "Show me your friends, and I'll show you how fruity you are."

Further down, the article states:

"Privacy has become a growing and evolving concern as social networks learn how to deal with the fact that they provide a resource that brings people together, but also may endanger privacy in ways they did not anticipate. Social networks like Facebook already give people power over that information, with privacy features that allow people to hide their profiles, and even make their list of friends invisible to outsiders, as well as from select friends.

But there are limits to online privacy, and ultimately, say some experts, people will simply have to weigh the costs and benefits of living online.

'You can do damage to your reputation with social networking data, and other people can do damage to you. I do think that there’s been a very fast learning curve - people are quickly learning the dos and don’ts of Internet behavior,' said Jason Kaufman, a research fellow at the Berkman Center for Internet and Society at Harvard University who is studying a set of Facebook data. 'Potentially everything you ever do on the Internet will live forever. I like to think we’ll all learn to give each other a little more slack for our indiscretions and idiosyncrasies.' "

See you on Facebook.

Or not.

*Bold mine