Saturday, December 26, 2009

And So, To BED

After my pre-Christmas adventures with the street urchins, I trudged off to O-Bar and got another beer, and, despite just having had dinner, found I still had the munchies and therefore had to have these:

Ain't nothin' yummier'n mushroom heads.

I love garlic mushrooms. Not least because their mouthfeel reminds me of cockheads.

'Nuff said.

Nearby, I noticed a couple of those "young brown boy-with-older Caucasian man" types - cousins to the controversial "ladies of the night" that ewik wrote about. I'm sure the one seated closest to me was in it for true love *cough*. But to add more frisson, presently one of the waiters came 'round with another skinny brown boy in tow, and introduced him to the white guy with a proud "Here he is, sir!" A flurry of cell phone numbers being exchanged ensued , as I smiled to myself. Whatever floats your boats, fellas. Everyone has their own story, indeed.

Took a quick leak before leaving and just had to take a picture of this sign:

"I saw the sign..."

Oh, yes, indeedy. People have lost more than their innocence in O-Bar.

And speaking of lost innocence, it was time to return to another place where I misspent mine.

At midnight, I was finally in BED. For the first time in a long, long while.

What to say, what to say, really? I have been a BEDhead since they first opened, but haven't been back since their first big renovation. Not surprisingly, the place looked strange yet oddly-familiar to me, like a Botoxed old flame I hadn't seen in a good long while.

It was darker and seemed smaller than I remembered. Or maybe, to paraphrase the great Norma Desmond:

Say it like an old-timey party queen.

Oooh, snap.

Sniping aside, I have many happy, drunken memories of BED, the same way its current habitués will undoubtedly have theirs. The BED of my memories was no happier or "better" than theirs; it was just a different BED, that's all. The stage looked smaller than the one they had during the first renov, and there were three shirtless go-go boys who stood onstage looking lost and goofy when the DJ effed with them by playing an orchestral club number. I guess if they were meant to dance to soaring violins, they should've been issued leotards, eh.

I didn't know they cordoned off the second level. Some sort of VIPS-Only thing, or cost-cutting? This must be a regular thing, because the restroom with the famous aquarium was located upstairs. Now the restroom is tucked away at the dark far end of the floor. With a communal urinal trough. Nice touch there, Tony.

You must do something about the ladies, though. The john was so full I thought there was an orgy going on, and I pitied a little meek girl who seemed to be thinking twice about entering a roomful of pissing penises, gay or no gay. Also, the shyer boys were lining up four-deep for the ladies' urinal, so I basically pulled the female inside and shoved her firmly in front of the toilet door - much like placing garlic before vampires. Tough enough to be a girl when it comes to potty times. Even tougher when the john is unisex and one is a shy and retiring Pinay having to compete with pee-shy gay boys. In which case one shouldn't even be mingling with the BEDheads.

But I digress.

One of the solicitous crew got me my compli beer promptly - a welcome change from BED's previous "I'm-too-good-to-take-your-order-much-less-return-your-change" thugs. No doubt the lad was hoping I would finish the beer quickly and start ordering the next of what would be many rounds. I ensconced myself near the bar and scanned the ever-growing sea of faces. Some old and recognizable - there was Ronnie giving instructions to the staff, and another guy who was once a rival for a boy's affections (I won, btw, bully for me) - but most of them were new.

Someone was drinking Blue Curaçao and I smiled at the memory of having the same concoction at the late, lamented Blue Cafe and thinking "I love Blue Curaçao. It's like drinking Toilet Duck, but without all the fatal and messy side-effects."

"Hell, this shit is better'n Drano!"

I had to chuckle when I finally noticed a nice-looking, beefy guy surreptitiously making eye contact nearby. My, my, oh my. I'm an old warhorse and wasn't up for a trick, but stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllll...

I'm beginning to like this new, slender build - an unsought result of involuntary teetotaling, lack of sleep, an excess of stress, and insufficient nourishment. I actually just have three inches to go before I'm back to my college-age 27-inch waistline. Makes me have second thoughts about beefing up again and bringing sexy back next year.

Anyway, for some reason I was more interested in the three nerd-types surrounding me. I dunno. Whoever said that "Men don't make passes at boys who wear glasses" sure wasn't wearing his. There's just something about banging nerds with extreme prejudice that gives me a raging boner. Proper-looking boys are just so nice to sully in the sack. The meatier ones, well...nice to look at, nice to hold, they lie in bed, all dead and cold.

Guess who this dweeb* grew up to be?
(Answer at the end of this post)**

I stayed for a bit and might've seen some bloggers. I would be lying if I said I wasn't half-hoping to catch a glimpse of some. Peek-a-boo - don't think I saw you.

At any rate, BED started to fill up with one skank too many, so I decided it was Mission:Accomplished and headed out. On Nakpil, I saw a truck saying Rapid HIV Testing, and volunteers handing out fliers.


Signs of the times, eh?

And I didn't bump into anyone I knew as I trudged toward my car and took off into the dawn.

That was new.

An even lower form of life than the spod, found in much the same habitat as the former. though more prevailent on talker systems. Unlike spods, upon receiving the desired response to the question "Are you male or female?", dweebs will then engage upon a detailed description of themselves and how wonderful they are, often in the hopes of truly impressing the other with their "charm" and "wit". Nearly all dweebs are male, but very few actually live up to the image that they present. Dweebs, unfortunately, are often the cause of ill-will, and may well bring a bad reputation to the system in question. They are often, however, easy to wind up and can be the source of great mirth to the seasoned user. From the Computing Dictionary.

**Ryan Effin' Seacrest. 


  1. maybe next year, ill let you and ternie take me out there in malate. Happy New Year Rudeboy.

  2. it's very interesting to read about malate. i know it's like mecca for most people but i just can't find the soul in that place. thank you for allowing me to live vicariously through your experiences. haha

    about the ryan seacrest picture, i almost shit my pants. haha i was guessing matt damon or something. that has got to be the gayest smile ever. hahaha

  3. @ Ming : I assume you're talking about the dweeb. Just proof that there's hope, even for pudgy braces-wearing geeks.

    @ engel : Alas, even Ternie eschews Malate, so I guess we're gonna have to meet up in some smoky billiard hall while fending off scantily-clad skanks with our cue sticks.

    @ citybuoy : Malate is rich in history and stories, and since I spent a great deal of my youth there, it will remain special to me, despite its ever-changing face.

    And speaking of ever-changing face - BWAHAHHHAHAHAA @ Seacrest. NERD!

  4. Rude: blue cafe?

    oh my.

    can you say cafe breton and sala along with it?


    Engel: you know very well i'd rather play with now-bald-parrot-thanks-to-rude rather than got to malate.


  5. nice fun light read! nakakatawa yung mga pictures hehe!

  6. haha wala na pala yung cr sa taas? na shock ako dati dun kase nakaingin sayo on the opposite side ng glass mga tao while you take a leak then paglabas mo haharangin ka haha

    lol at gayest smile ever

  7. i find it strange sometimes, that whenever i go walking around malate, what i see is the malate of my teenage years, joy, pepe and pilar, etc... that's really not so long ago but it all seem distant now....

    and yeah, kinabog ni Seacrest ang Miss Close Up Smile ko..... baklita!!!!

  8. @ Ternie : You forgot to say Pepe N' Pilar and Batavia. And Mint. And Acquario.

    @ TheoMartin : Glad to give you some post-Christmas cheer!

    @ thecurioscat : Maybe the goldfish cried "Harassment!" once and for all.

    @ Yj : I see Ryan, I see Crest. Toothpaste, that is.

  9. nawala lahat ng thought ko dahil sa picture ni ryan seacrest.

    anyhow, great observations and you really weaved those lines like a thread that shimmers till the end...

    malate is a place that never runs a story. for me, its an entire library of books waiting to be explored and read.

  10. so thaaaat was why i always enjoyed garlic mushrooms...

  11. "I love garlic mushrooms. Not least because their mouthfeel reminds me of cockheads."

    hahahaha - 'nuff said indeed!

    I'll try not to think about this line whenever I eat garlic mushrooms. haha

    And oh, Ryan Seacrest's teen pic is a shocker considering how yummy he looks today!

  12. @ ewik : Well, nowadays, Malate does a different kind of shimmering. Something shiny and splendid.

    @ Johnny Cursive : Yum!

    @ iurico : To each his own hehe. I still think garlic mushrooms are yummier than Seacrest.

  13. :D omg. you like nerds too. youre awesome <3
    i dunno, but i get this weird attraction with guys wearing glasses. even if they dont look cute at all. :)

    Merry Christmas daddy rudy. LOL

  14. @ Herbs D. : Hahaaaaaaaaaaaa, well, I like my nerds to have a modicum of cuteness, but ya know, ya know...

    And Happy New Year to ya, babe :p