Monday, January 30, 2012

A New Gay Haven

Image from here.

A colleague of mine - Santi (first and previous appearance here) - just recently came back from an off-season sortie to Puerto Galera, that ertswhile gayest of gay ports in these 7,100++ islands. I say "erstwhile" because what was supposed to be his 3 days of much-needed R&R turned out to be 3 Days of Darkness instead.

Far from being relaxed and recharged, Santi was livid with indignation as he huffed and puffed about the rude awakening he received in Galé - foremost the ordinance that forbade the playing of loud music at the bars from midnight onwards.

Having heard tales of homo horror from last year's Puerto Galera pilgrimages (the tanods' tenacity in flushing out the nocturnal hunting bekis from the batcave, among other things), I've come to the conclusion that the good local government of Puerto Galera is slowly but surely making it clear that they don't want our kind tainting their good name. 

Cinematic depiction of the Great Beki Batcave Banishments.

As a matter of fact, according to Santi, one local councilwoman actually intimated just that:

Santi : But what about the party people? We're the ones who've helped 
Galera become the tourist attraction it is today.

Councilwoman : Well, we'd rather prefer it wasn't so.

Ruffled feather boas aside, though, I shan't pass judgment upon Galé. Every town has the right to formulate and enforce its local ordinances as it sees fit, and if the town fathers have decided to remove the Gay from Gaylera, the Mhin from Mhindoro, say No to Homo and reinvent itself as a family-friendly holiday spot, well, then so be it. 

We'll just have to take the vaunted Pink Peso somewhere else. Someplace that actually wants it.

At least we'll still have each other - until I catch you in the batcave, that is.

Thus, my drinking bekis and I have decided to take the ongoing "It's more fun in the Philippines!" meme to a more local and niche-particular level: that of the search for the next Island of Lost Souls.

Here then, ladies and gentlemen, are just some of our proposed taglines for potential candidates vying for the fabled Pink Peso. With this year's Semana Santa landing on the first week of April, there's still plenty of time for us to scout around for the next local hotspot to have the honor of Gayskull being the next Gay Summer Capital of the Philippines. 

Kung may Puerto, may Prinsesa. (Proposed come-on: Unspoiled beaches, lush forests, and the world's longest underground gay grotto.)

Kalibo. Libo-libong Kalibugan. (Proposed come-on: the Kati-Katihan Festival. Hala Hada !)

Agi, A-Gogo Sa Agoo! (Proposed come-on: Gay Marriage aka La Union de Maricon.)

Bawal Daot, Bayot, Oo: Dao. (Proposed come-on: Military surplus/PX goods, and a brother that's not a pig !)

Makibeki Sa Macabebe! (Proposed come-on: Cabalen Aljur Abrenica giving you a taste of Pampanga's Best. Nanung burat mo, pohtang beki?)

Gen xXx Sa GenSan (Proposed come-on: The annual "Kalinlangan" festival, plus the opportunity to go way, way down south on Gerald Anderson as Poster Boy for his hometown.)

Bienvenue à Gay Aparri! (Proposed come-on: The new "Iba Ang Ibanag" festival trumps Lovapalooza with its year-round French-kissing competition.)

Sa Piling Ng Makiling Ang Mapiling Maria. (Proposed come-on: the first-ever Miss Gay Mutya ng Makiling. The winner gets to climb to the summit in heels and dethrone the incumbent diwata, who has held the crown for hundreds of years.)

Mas Mahalay sa Malaybalay. (I think this is pretty self-explanatory.)

And so far, my favorite:

I Want. 
You Want. 
We All Want...Dakak.

Feel free to add your candidates - and taglines - in the Comments.

And so long, Sodom and Galera.


  1. Gay free Galera? That's going to be so strange.

    And you had me lolling so hard on Dakak. Alam mo, lumalabas pagka adsman mo. haha

    1. Eons ago, dear Nyl, the honorable mayor of Manila, Alfredo Lim, decided he had had enough of the godless goings-on in fabled, touristy Ermita. He envisioned family-friendly establishments, ice-cream parlors, and wholesome venues for entertainment lining up M.H. del Pilar and Mabini, instead of the raucous, rowdy, rambunctious honky-tonk bars that ruled the strips.

      So he swept Ermita clean of these human garbage, to make way for the sparkling, gleaming paradise of wholesomeness that was to take its place.

      Instead, from being the ribald tourist attraction it once was, Ermita has been reduced to a vast, howling wasteland, and sits in empty, soulless decay to this day.

      *side-eyes Galera, looks away lest he turn to salt*

  2. Never been to Galera. :) Never saw it during its heydays.

    1. Ah, then you simply must go, Mugs, before that entire tradition vanishes.

      For all the meat-market atmosphere that pervades White Beach during (Un)Holy Week, it's a delight to see so many of our kind huddled together in a place that's so full of the promise of fun, adventure, and romance.

      Much like The March of the Penguins. Except this is set in the tropics. And with strutting peacocks instead of waddling penguins.


  3. WAHAHAHA! God ruddie, your humor is so pazok sa banga ng panagbenga LOL.

    I promise myself not to visit Galera again. Sans the gay mecca, the beach itself is not as attractive as before. So far, El Nido caught my heart. Masaya din dun kasi puro afam-chi haha.

    1. LOL @ Pazok Sa Banga Ng Panagbanga.

      Ang Pamumukadkad sa Plorera ng Panagbenga sounds like a good title for a movie set during that famed Flower Festival.

      El Nido sounds promising. It's secluded and private enough, far from the madding crowds. At least as of this writing.

  4. @ruddie: ahahaha! lol at Dakak.. panalo!! ang dame kong tawa.. :P

    i was at Dipolog last year for an OB trip.. but i only got as far as Gloria de Dapitan.. hindi man lang ako naka-tungtong sa Dakak.. :/

    1. I'm happy it made you laugh, Nate.

      Mmm so did you go to Gloria de Dapitan = Fantasyland, as well? Or just the shopping complex/bars?

    2. yup! i just watched the fireworks, bowling, and had coffee & cake at that coffeeshop just in front.. :)


    ruddie ftw!

    1. My dear Ternie, I just discovered that somewhere near Siargao island down south, there is a place called - wait for it - Dako Island.

      Oh, the possibilities!

  6. only saw galera in a scene from an indie movie. and my virgin eyes got totally shocked O.o lol

    and another lol at dakak

    1. Although I haven't been to Mindoro for the annual gay pilgrimage in years, as I advised Mugen above, you really ought to experience Galera for yourself, lee.

      One of my fondest memories there involved two hunky local fishermen after lord-knows-how-many rounds of Mindoro Sling.

      Good times.

  7. i weep because the Jurassic that i knew of is no more? hope springs eternal, though, i believe the nation elects a new set of local officials next year?

    1. To be fair, ^travis, even though Jurassic - or the batcave, as we old-timers prefer to call it - has been patrolled by roving tanods, circled with barbed wire, and subjected to various other discouragements over the years, the bekis have always managed to find a way to overcome all obstacles and reach its magical treasures.

      Like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park itself, life will find a way :P

  8. AHAHAHA Ang sayaaaaaa!

    Winnerloo sa Iloilo ang entry na to.

    Aklanon here, aylabettt that Kalibo made it to your list. Maybe the local govt of Kalibo should use your tagline to lure back the tourists it has lost to Cebu's Sinulog. And speaking of Cebu, here's my contribution

    CeBURAT: Tag-utog sa Sinulog!


    1. Oh, at LAST, a stab at a tagline! THANK you for your contribution, bien. I'm almost sure the Cebu Tourism Authority will pick Tag-utog sa Sinulog! over We Put The "Sin" In Sinulog! any day.

      Srsly, so you're an Aklanon, eh? I've only been to Kalibo once, and that was for a high school-related field trip to see the Ati-Atihan Festival. It was great fun, especially since it was the first major island trip for a dyed-in-pollution city boy like me. Obviously many years have since passed, so I was unaware that Cebu's Sinulog has stolen the thunder from Aklan. That's kinda sad, indeed, but if the Aklanons will have us, then Kati-Katihan just might revive the local tourism industry.

      Hala, hada! Hala, hada!

  9. that's sad. but then again, like you said, we have 7 thousand plus islands to make a new haven.

    1. If the good councilwoman from Galera is any indication, i imagine they'd send us all to the Babuyan Islands.

      And then set them on fire.

  10. This is soooo gay, Rudi. Am I impressed! (i fear i'd be turning up with a knitted gown complete with burloloi and eclat should we see each other, sit down and chat?)

    I definitely enjoyed da kak - as that's how i and my maori dearie sister call them wangs (like that of Many in Spartacus Season 1). kaks!

    and to add mine own:

    Sapuan sa Butuan (with free taste)
    Mapasubu sa Cebu (imagine Chinoy turon)
    Nakakatikol na Bicol (too much!)

    At sa NCR (National Cherva Region)

    Bakla-baklaan sa Baclaran (pwedeng tumawad, at tumuwad)
    Dakotang Harrison (singtigas ng bakal - boys!)
    Mabulbol na Alimall
    Magpakubabaw sa Cubao

    1. i correct myself. it should be Manu.

      as in this Manu

      (the one in the middle - beside him Barca, the gladiator with the gay lover)


      OMG, I love that you went to town on this, Kiks! Ahahahaha!

      I really LOLed at NCR and Dakotang Harrison - maybe I'm really just a city boy through and through.

      As for Manu - mmmmm. Manu are called, few are echos!en.

  11. I do miss the Old Galera... had fun with one of the locals there... Sigh..