Friday, June 1, 2012

Apocalypse Now?


First day of the sixth month of 2012, and boy, we're still here, aren't we?


Having said that, seems like the world might end this year, after all; just not the way the Mayans supposedly pictured it (suck it, Emmerich).

First, last Sunday, we had the uplifting tale of a naked man shot dead for eating off another man's face,*  displaying very 28 Days Later symptoms:

"According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots."

Well, so much for eating lead. Then again, the undead have been known to crave brains: something the police force normally have a short supply of. At any rate, any zombie survivalist worth his shotgun knows only a headshot will take care of the nasty buggers - a double-tap to make sure.

Read more here:

And just a scant two days later, the University of Illinois released this ominous tweet:

Digging further, I found this Tumblr page, which very helpfully outlined a timeline of events, from the 5/16 Mysterious Rash Infects High School Students  incidents, to the doctor spitting blood on a highway patrolman after getting arrested for DUI.

And as the blogger notes:

"All in same week and same state…. may God be with you Florida."

Booyah, Sunshine State.

(Not to be outdone, this just in: a Hackensack man has reportedly stabbed his own stomach and hurled his intestines at police. New Jersey, represent!)

If life has an annoying tendency to imitate art, then imgur sure had the jump on us, it seems, via this very convincing (and chilling) image series of how the emerging zombie apocalypse might be televised (or Facebooked, or Tweeted, or Instagrammed, or pick your choice of modern media) :

As a fanboy, I must admit I'm torn over this Resident Evil turn of events. On one hand: zombies, yay! On the other: well, more chances of a horrible end plus the stench of all those putrefying walking undead.

And of course, locally, we have the pickled front act of the Zombie Republic right here:

Did someone eat brains, or just lose them?

Oh, well.

Om, nom, nom, nom, nom!

*If you're a ghoulish, rubbernecking Pinoy like I am, you can see the man's bloodied and eaten face here (courtesy of imgur via Reddit.) Don't worry, he survived the attack - barely - except "Eyes Without A Face" by Billy Idol inexplicably comes to mind right now. Obvious warning is obvious: NSFW, NSFL.

'Course, if you're a squeamish do-goodnik, here's kinda-sorta what it looks like:


Edit: As I was writing this, all the power just went out, leaving me illuminated only by the light of my laptop as I lay surrounded by pitch-darkness.



  1. We needs plants (sunflowers first) ASAP.

    1. I'll need a lot of maryjane.

      For, uhhhh, medicinal purposes, yeah.

  2. i have an underground bunker to while away the fin du monde.

    all that remains is a need for a hottie to bunk up with.


    1. What happens when you're both locked in deep underground and your hottie starts falling apart, literally?

  3. Ronnie beat me to it... but since I am witty, I will probably think of another retort... for the meantime, I am choosing which building in Central I will be stationing myself in should the Umbrella Corporation chooses to strike this concrete place of old.

    1. If Dawn of the Dead taught us anything, it is that the best stronghold against the zombie hordes is a well-stocked supermarket/mall.

      Of course, once they make it through the barricades, not all the canned goods in Puregold can save you.

  4. There's nothing more terrifying than seeing Shalala and Cristy Fermin everyday on national TV.

    If you can survive that, then you'll most probably survive a zombie apocalypse.

    1. Well, while it's difficult to the untrained eye, there are differences between zombies and your ordinary, run-of-the-mill putrid undead.

  5. Dafuq, Ruddie. Now I'm gonna get nightmares. X( haha

    1. Ahhhh there you are, Nyl.

      Where would you like to make our last stand?

    2. Tseh. You're all talk naman eh. *hurrumph*

    3. Oooooooohhhh those are fighting words.