Monday, October 4, 2010

Snap, Crackle, and Puff

Officially-minted celebrity blogger "BJ AcuÑa" aka soltero recently wondered what Survivor:PLU might look like.

I imagine it'd look a lot like Temptation Island - Puerto Galera during Holy Week would be an obvious choice. And the catty lines would be to die for.

"Kayo talagang mga bakla. Mahilig kayong mangolekta ng lalaki. 
Poor, proletariat, indigent men."

The catfights, on the other hand, might also leave us dying - with laughter.

Then again , I rather like action-comedies.

"Pendeja! Hija de puta, yo te matare! Puto pinche!"

While I admire their enthusiasm, my grandmother's Christmas eggnog packs more punch than... whatever it was these big girls were trying to throw. Maybe they'd have been better off throwing shade.

Obviously, they never learned the Basic Lessons In Snap!

Precision. Pacing. Placement. Poise.

"A sophisticated snap! is more than just noise."

Bonus Round:

I just had to put this in. Jennifer Cortez and her immortal line to Azenith Briones (scrub to the 4:30 mark if you can't wait - beetches ):

"What are beetches for but to beetch around with fellow beetches?"


Indeed, indeed.


  1. Hahaha.

    Oh sure, Suvivor PLU would be a big hit.


  2. and i could imagine a whole gaggle of beetches stroking a gigantic faux ice cream cone in a suggestingly phallic manner! lolz

  3. my gayness is not complete. i have not seen the movie.

  4. is Temptation Island a must see for PLUs? hehehe, then maybe I shd watch the whole movie..

    and oh, i think you could be a perfect castaway :P

  5. @ Soltero : For someone who actually saw Pinky Montilla's epic Supergirl, I'm a little surprised you haven't seen Temptation Island. In my opinion it is one of Philippine cinema's true camp classics, and yes, soltero, it is a PLU must-see.

    As for being "a perfect castaway," methinks I'd end up like that boathand who slapped Madonna silly in Swept Away. Jussayin'

    @ narnian : The entire movie has been uploaded to YouTube by some charitable soul. There is no excuse not to see it. I only wish he could post Supergirl, too. One hasn't lived until he's seen Mildred Ortega (as the blind sister) being stomped to death by a giant frog, along with the rest of the barrio.

    @ Ternie : That scene is in Part 8. Perhaps Selecta would be interested in sponsoring a remake - unless the girls would prefer hugging Jollibee on the beach instead.

    @ Ronnie : I want Survivor:PLU to have a swimsuit and Q&A portion, too. Pretty please.

  6. hahaha
    whatever happened to joey gosiengfiao?

  7. sana marinig ng mga tv networks suggestion nyo!hahaha

  8. hahaha..i must've watched Supergirl 2x ahah..can't forget ike lozada being attacked by the zombies LOL

  9. oh w8...i remember a scene wherein a dead dude came alive and asked for water that in Supergirl too? LOL

  10. @ soltero : Hmmm, if memory serves, that may have been Walter Navarro aka Celso (or was it Cesar?). He was the common love interest of both Pinky Montilla (in her civilian identity as Neneng) and Djhoanna Garcia (as the spoiled daughter of Odette Khan, the Mad Scientist).

    I can't remember if Celso (or Cesar) also died in the Giant Frog Attack, but he was the first zombie Odette Khan created because her daughter couldn't get over it. Unfortunately, the relationship was doomed to failure, because even as one of the undead he still didn't want to be with Djhoanna ("I just Djhoanna be with you, bitch") I think she got the message in the end after he choked her to death in the cogon patch while she was trying to seduce his cold, undead body with her hot monkey love.

    Incredible how this movie sticks to one's mind.

  11. oh shit wow hahaha naalala mo tlaga lahat cool!!

    yeha i remmbr odette khan now haha! and of course those zombies still scare me til now haha, and oh there's a church scene i think LOL :P

  12. @rudeboy: may i ask if ano name nung guy na ka partner ni dina sa movie? he's good looking

  13. Sorry to sound so...ignorant, but what exactly does PLU mean?

  14. @ Justine : Oh, man. Yes, he was. That's the late, lamented Alfie Anido. He came onto the local showbiz scene alongside Gabby Concepcion and the Martinez brothers.

    Alfie Anido was Dina Bonnevie's real-life beau at the time. Sadly, he died under...mysterious circumstances. A suicide - supposedly.

    @ Spiral Prince : Hey there. PLU means People Like Us.

    You know. Like us.

    Handsome and smart :D

  15. @ orally : Aside from Joey Gosengfiao, Ricky Belmonte and Alfie Anido have also since joined the Great Producer In The Sky.

    @ Mac Callister : Knowing the networks, they'd probably steal soltero's idea and pass it off as their own.

  16. Swimsuit Competition? Oh great, I'd love to join! Handang-handa ako magkalat sa runway.

    Q and A Portion? I foresee that I'd be getting the lowest score in swimsuit portion and it means I won't get through this part. Hahaha.

  17. " For someone who actually saw Pinky Montilla's epic Supergirl, I'm a little surprised you haven't seen Temptation Island." hahaha! My mind's deepest archives just shook to its core upon reading that name and movie. Your memory is truly remarkable rudee!

  18. @ Kryptonite User : Thanks! Trivia is fun and keeps Alzheimer's at bay :P

    @ Spiral Prince : You're welcome!

    @ Ronnie : Your question is : "If a train is traveling west at 170 mph, and another train is traveling east at 165 mph, what was the key event that led to World War I?"

  19. Ruddie, what a beautiful question. Nice Job! Keep it up. HAHAHA.