Monday, June 21, 2010

Stormy Weather

Into each life a little rain must fall.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Rainy Day

After emerging triumphantly from weeks and weeks of unending toil and turmoil, I enjoyed two perfect days in a bubble of relief, contentment, and yes, happiness.

Bubbles, alas, were meant to burst.

In hindsight, perhaps that sphere of calm was merely the eye of this new hurricane.

In the morning I face yet another storm - one that started brewing last Friday and gained strength and momentum over the weekend.

I am old enough to understand and accept that the rain falls on the just and unjust alike, and that fate is as fickle as the weather. Much as I would like to tailspin into a personal tropical depression, in crisis situations one does not have the luxury of wallowing in self-pity. There are hatches to be battened down, sails to be furled.

My halcyon days, it seems, are few, and they are numbered.

As this new tempest was gathering speed over yet another lost weekend, a colleague marveled and asked how I was able to cope with the howling winds, the lashing rains, the gigantic waves that threatened to capsize our little ship.

To that, I take a line from Ripley's clone in Alien : Resurrection, and simply say:

"I died."

I wonder how many storms were made for us.

I wonder how many storms we were made to weather.

I die a thousand deaths with each of these maelstroms.

I guess the trick is to keep on dying, until one is well and truly dead.

But I have promises to keep. 
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost, Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening


  1. really nice... bittersweet yet very real...

  2. hmmm, let's wait for the calm after the storm.

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  4. Rudeboy, you're made of strong stuff. You won't die easily.

    I can't help but notice the tone of your writing. You sound like a stoic; resigned to your fate. Do you feel that way?

  5. @ Darc : Life gives us both the bitter and the sweet. So we just add some whiskey to the angostura and vermouth and make a real stiff Manhattan.

    @ The Constant Bonsaist : Don't you mean the wreckage?

    @ Kane : Hey there, birthday boy.

    Speaking of boys, my father's unsolicited advice on these current matters was a succinct "That's part of growing up."

    Heh. He must still think of me as a boy.

    As for Stoicism - it's been greatly misconstrued as being "unemotional" or indifferent to pain and, for that matter, pleasure. But a quick review of my ancient Philo notes clarifies that Stoicism's idea was "to be free of suffering by being objective, having clear judgement, and maintaining equanimity in the face of life's highs and lows."

    So in that sense, I guess I am a stoic. Which doesn't mean I'm a humorless grinch. Even while life is raining blows, there's a voice in my bloody head that remarks "Well, I just hope this doesn't mess up my hair too badly."

    As Marcus Aurelius said: "How ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything that happens in life!"

  6. whatever you're going through (kasi hindi ko maintindihan yung mga pinagsusulat mo) kaya mo yan!

  7. do we have to think of it that way? or are you just to tired of being positive?

  8. rudie you're being given those challenges because someone knows you can make it. you're made of strong stuff.

  9. no matter how strong the storm is,ang mahalaga, we are still tough and able to face a new day after the storm...

  10. @ Ming & engel : Tossing and turning is but a natural reaction when the seas are churning. My timbers are shivered, but they are not splintered - not yet, anyway.

    @ Bonsaist : Not necessarily being nega. Just acknowledging that outcomes can vary wildly from our greatest expectations - and fears, as well. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing :)

  11. @ Mac Callister : Amen to that! Sail away, sail away, sail away...