Friday The Good

"I like things to be story-shaped.

Reality, however, is not story-shaped, and the eruptions of the odd into our lives are not story-shaped, either. They do not end in entirely satisfactory ways. Recounting the strange is like telling one's dreams; one can communicate the events of a dream but not the emotional content, the way that a dream can color one's entire day."

- Neil Gaiman, The Flints of Memory Lane, from Fragile Things

As I spend what's left of Good Friday - a hellish day fraught with sundry miseries, personal fears, and feelings of anger and abandonment - the door to my bedroom has creaked and slowly swung open once again. And yet again, despite my anticipations, there is no head peeking from behind it. No one behind the door in the darkness.

Well. 

No one human, anyway.

It doesn't help that I've been re-reading Gaiman of late, and am clutching his book Fragile Things to my chest astride the laptop I'm now writing this entry on. Not that Gaiman spooks me. I find his stories entertaining and intriguing, more than macabre, although they are most certainly that, as well.

Which is why I wonder why I was just a wee bit...perturbed at this latest trick of the door. There is no draft in the anteroom leading to my bedroom - especially not on this still, sultry night. All the windows are shuttered, and the door to the balcony there is always kept closed. My bedroom door itself tends to get stubbornly stuck when shut, which makes its regular surprise openings even more...quizzical.

And the creaking footsteps I hear upstairs while I am working downstairs in the study have fairly recently evolved into heavy, pounding footsteps just outside my bedroom door. I can actually feel my bed and my floor vibrating to these steps. 


And still, when I look - nothing but darkness.

Oh, yeah. And if my religious aunts are to be believed, God is dead and demons walk the earth freely tonight till He wakes up on Sunday.

Or was that Halloween?

At any rate...just thought it was a curious coincidence to have been reading the following passages from a Gaiman poem, from the same collection of short fictions, shortly before the portal to my personal chambers gingerly opened once again. 

Verses which eerily echo the goings-on in this big empty place, and my usual reactions to them.

The poem's title, fittingly enough, is The Hidden Chambers :

Do not fear the ghosts in this house; they are the least of your worries.

Personally I find the noises they make reassuring,

The creaks and footsteps in the night,

their little tricks of hiding things,

or moving them, I find

endearing, not upsettling.*

It makes the place

feel so much more like home.

Inhabited.

While you are here, of course,

you will hear the ghosts, always a room away,
and you may wake beside me in the night,
knowing that there's a space without a door
knowing that there's a place that's locked
but isn't there.

Hearing them scuffle, echo, thump, and pound.

Boo.



==================

*As per Gaiman, in his introduction:"Upsettling is what Humpty Dumpty called "a portmanteau word," occupying the territory between upsetting and unsettling."

The Omen

So, I woke up the other morning around 3 a.m. and was startled to discover a swarm of black flies clinging to the wall beside the stairwell like a hideous, living curtain of filth.

One doesn't need to be a horror movie fan to picture all sorts of ominous meanings into the scene.

As you know, flies, like politicians, equal evil.


Mysterious swarms of flies signaled the malevolent presence in The Amityville Horror. As well as in Constantine, The Ring, Poltergeist, Drag Me To Hell, and See No Evil, among countless others.

Moreover, Beelzebub was the original Lord of The Flies.

Seth Brundle was just an honourable mention.

There were no open screens on the windows or doors that could've let such a massive number of flies in. Nor were there any visible corpses about that they could be swarming around. Instead, they just clung there, a black mass contrasting with the beige wall, while some of them buzzed around tentatively.

I grabbed a canister of Baygon and began chemical warfare on the foul creatures, watching them fall one by one from the wall.

Then I texted Nena.



"Good morning. Tell me I'm a paranoid,
 superstitious idiot."

"Good morning hahaha. Why? Did you

 walk under a ladder or a black gay cat

 crossed your high-heeled path?"

"Mmm. Early kanina I discovered a
 biblical swarm of flies in the stairwell.
 They weren't there when I crawled home
 at 2 and there are no open screens or
 rotting carcasses. At least none that I
 know of. Or will admit to."

"Ah, may dead and probably decayed

 rat somewhere in the house. For some

 reason the rat didn't smell while rotting

 but now the maggots are now flies and

 have found a way out. Obviously there

 is a hole near your staircase. Thus 

the flies.Other than that,

Vince must be sending you 

his warmest regards."

Then I remembered.

Thanks to some rat poison, we had finally gotten the best of the very smart, very aged, and very disgusting rat that had long been bedeviling our kitchen. But as his final act of vengeance, he had refused to crawl toward the light as the packaging had promised, and instead steadfastly met his doom in between the walls where we could not extricate him.

Thanks, Dora!

The kitchen smelled of that distinct odor of dead rat for a day or so, and after that I had given the matter no more thought.

I love it when Reason trumps Superstition.

Although Vincent is still the devil.

Entity

Misfortune Cat print from here.

Is it just me, or have you ever thought that malas is not just some abstract concept, but a living, breathing entity? One that can be carried like a virus and spread by certain people, just like in the vernacular phrase "Ingat, baka dapuan ka ng malas." 

Superstition imbues places, objects, actions, words and dates with inherent qualities of fortune and misfortune. "Malas ang bahay na yan," we say of houses and establishments located at crossroads, or tumbok. Or places where tragedies have taken place, and succeeding inhabitants have consistently experienced strange happenings and/or reversals of fortune until they abandon said places.

"Malas ang petsang/buwan na yan,"  caution I-Ching and Feng Shui practitioners, as they calculate and divine "auspicious" dates for life-changing events such as weddings, baptisms, business launches.

If places, objects, and dates could harbor malas, could some people themselves be walking harbingers of misfortune, through their own making or not?

Your thoughts?

The Ghost Whispers

Hello.

Don't be afraid. I usually just mind my own business. Except it gets lonely sometimes and I wish I could have someone to talk to.

Not blabber with. Talk to.

But everyone's gone and I live alone in this big house. Four bedrooms, three bathrooms, three walk-in closets, two stockrooms, one porch, one terrace, one living room, one dining room, one kitchen, one study.

I mostly stay in the study. That's where you'll find me, sitting by the window, hunched over this flickering screen. Alone.

Well, maybe not totally alone.

I've never actually seen her, but the old lady I fondly call the majordoma stays in the blue bedroom - the one I used to sleep in when Christiane had the master bedroom. The one Louie stayed in after I took over  Christiane's room when she went to the States and never returned. Where he stayed until a bus holdupper  stabbed him in the neck over a cellphone one night as he came home from work.

I knew Louie would be hanging around for a while after what happened. Which is why I wasn't too surprised when the maid said she saw him running down the stairs at 6pm, which was usually the time he left for work. He also bugged Dee for a good while, visiting him in his sleep. But I had a feeling he would leave me alone; he knew how I hated being bothered while working.

Anyway, his mom said she had a dream that his grandfather finally fetched him after the 40th day. So that was the last we heard of Louie.

Nolo briefly stayed in that same room when he was having marital problems, then Louie's brother took over for a few months before we had to kick him out because his drug use was getting in the way of his ability to cover his rent. The majordoma has had that room all to herself since then.

A lot of people have come and gone, but others have stayed. Quietly. They say the old man stays at the bar in the living room, no doubt sipping his phantom brandy as he contemplates his existence. Just as well. The laughter and conversations at that bar have long given way to an echoing silence.

The dwarfs stay in the walk-in closet in my room, and like to keep the door open no matter how often I latch it closed. Oh, well. They don't bother me. Besides, they were never human, unlike some of us.

Wendy said the monster who lived in the linen closet in the upstairs stockroom is gone. That's comforting. But the little girl who weeps for the dolls in the display cabinet is still there. I've never heard her, but Dee said he heard her shuffling around a couple of times. I wish Wendy were still here; I enjoyed her pointing out where everyone else was hanging out.

I do hope the black spiky thing with glittering eyes that followed Dee from one of his provincial sojourns - the thing that used to peek from outside the living room window, or so Miggy's boyfriend said - never made it in. That'd just be creepy.

But they say the majordoma does her job and does it well, which is why no dark entity can stay for very long in the house. Well, I certainly hope so. God knows I have enough demons as it is.

Anyway...I don't see Dee too often these days. Once a week I hear him shuffling around, but it never lasts. I saw him ducking into the bathroom one time, but I was half-asleep. Sometimes I wonder when his mom will collect his things, just like Christiane's and Louie's mothers did when they left. But then I remember she's dead.

Be that as it may, he has another life now. I do wish we'd have some sort of closure, though. The dead do tend to haunt you when you don't bury them properly.

As for me, well...like I said, I pretty much live alone in this big old house. And it just gets lonely sometimes. But then again, I'm used to being alone. Every so often, though, there's a dark night of the soul and it helps when you can talk to someone. Over coffee. Over cigs. Over alcohol.

The trouble is, it can't just be anyone. It has to be someone who knew me and whose life intertwined with mine. Anyone else might listen, but they would never understand the way someone who knew me, who knew who I was and where it all began, how we lived and what happened and when things began to change and why we came to this pass would.

But there's the rub. Everyone's gone, and it's just me now. The last man standing.

I would talk to my invisible housemates but I never wanted that dark gift. Besides, I have enough problems with the living. And anyway, this is a cozy arrangement. No one bothers anyone. And everyone just minds their own business.

We all just co-exist, until someone else moves on. Or doesn't. And it doesn't matter if you believe in ghosts or not. Our existence does not rely on your beliefs; only on our own.

I lived in the past.

I exist in the present.

But I can't see round the bend.

That's the trouble with the future.

Lo and Behold

Some humorist once wrote "I'm so frazzled the only thing holding me together is static electricity."

Well, for me, it's either that, or the Black Arts.

Gee Wiz.

Almost the witching hour and I am wide awake. Maybe I shouldn't have napped when I got home from work around 8:30 p.m. But I was so tired the bed might as well have been enchanted. However, I came to around midnight and now Mr. Sandman eludes me.

I really should be sleeping. Three long consecutive days of more shooting ahead, and I'm helming the first two days. And while we have no lead talent yet for the first day's shoot - aside from the thousand-and-one other curses that often bedevil production - I am oddly unperturbed.

Must be that old black magic again.

Speaking of magic, do you believe in prescience?  The FreeDictionary defines it as :


prescience [ˈprɛsɪəns]

n

knowledge of events before they take place; foreknowledge

Now I don't need prescience to know that this is an odd segue, but - indulge me.

The other night I received news that made me cackle like the Wicked Witch of the West. It had something to do with some unfinished business - literally and figuratively - that I had predicted would soon meet its long-overdue demise. And lo and behold - the very fates themselves seem to have conspired to make my prophecy come true. So much so that a friend in the know actually texted me this afternoon to say how uncannily I had called it.

Ironically, the latest manifestation of its impending doom was the polar opposite of what I had been wishing for, but nevertheless, the end of the entire wretched enterprise is definitely near. I don't really care if the thing ends with a whimper or a bang, as long as it ends.

Die, damn you, and STAY dead.

It's a long and arduous tale which I might tell someday, but suffice it to say that it's not unlike Elphaba and the Ozians. No good deed goes unpunished, indeed, and my parting words a year ago, almost to the day, were these: "I will not actively seek to bring you harm. But having said that, neither will I lift a finger to help you. You are on your own, and on your own I know you have more than enough to self-destruct."

Well, mark my words, my pretty - and your little dog, too.

"Did you put a hex on it?" asked my incredulous friend.

Being neither witch nor warlock, I replied "No. But you know I've been cursing it to the high heavens for a good while now and if the heavens have finally heard me, then call it a hex if you will."

Our thoughts and our words can be powerful things, and I genuinely believe that if they are strong enough, they can take on a life of their own.

Even fleeting thoughts - like the one I had just this afternoon en route to a location check. An otherwise uneventful drive interrupted by a thought out of nowhere, as I rode half-asleep, about how I would like to add a certain yellow sports car to my hoard.

Yellow, brick road. 'Nuff said.

And rounding the corner, there it was, lo and behold. The selfsame sexy yellow number I had spotted in February along the same road. I didn't have time to stop the first time around, and resolved to go back for the vehicle the following week, but by then it was gone. I circled the area for a couple of weeks more after that, but the car had vanished. I had taken the route again many times since, and had not encountered it anymore.

Until today.

And this time around I ordered the driver to stop.

Whether I'll actually secure the thing is inconsequential now. What was striking was how I had just been thinking about it - and so impassively, at that, in contrast to the dark seething passion with which I thought about that other enterprise above - and just around the bend, my thoughts literally were made real.

Now I am no Cassandra, and if Apollo were to taunt me with a dark gift, prophecy would probably not be it. I'd rather be able to read people's minds anyway than predict their futures, but I suppose they're one of a piece. What seems to be arcane may very well turn out to be something mundane - I daresay even scientific. We pick up cues all the time - from speech and gestures, behavior and other intangibles. That's nothing but naturalistic observation. And causality doesn't require wizardry. Putting two-and-two together isn't paranoia, it's arithmetic. So combining cues and signs into a coherent, plausible, and probable outcome is child's play to those who've had lots of practice.

It applies to pretty much all areas of human affairs: love, work, life. Which is why we sometimes say we could see things coming a mile away. It's but perspective, literally and figuratively. I once read somewhere that clairvoyancy can be compared to seeing two trains on a single track coming from opposite directions, but concealed from each other by a hill round the bend. On ground level, you won't be able to tell that they will collide. But take the perspective from the air, and you can literally see what's going to happen next.

Is that why inspiration and its cousin, divination, seem to come when our thoughts are floating?

And speaking of floating, lookee, lookee, lookee here. Earlier this evening, as I was sitting on the throne, my thoughts idly turned to my general taste in men*, and I considered ruminating about it in a blog post.

Well, lo and behold.

*Let me qualify that. I've had guys of all shapes and sizes, but just for sex, I find that I prefer the less-conventionally attractive. It's not unique; plenty of us have that inexplicable "er" fetish.


But my lovers - meaning people I actually have meaningful moments with long after the joys of sex have gone - have all been uniformly goodlooking. And by "uniform" I mean they seem to fall into a particular physical mold. Coincidence? Let's see what loose thoughts turn up.

The Oracle

After I wrote this previous, troubled post ,  I randomly turned to the bowels of the internet to divine some answers. Here is your reading. Your question: what will happen tomorrow

Click on the card to turn it over. card 1 symbolizes your question: King of Swords Calm authority and integrity. A helpful older man who won�t sugarcoat words to protect feelings. Incisive intellect. High values that demand hard work.

card 2 represesnts obstacles or supporting influences: King of Wands Dynamic, stable enthusiasm. The ability to bring ideas to fruition. Someone who symbolizes these strengths. Creative inspiration and help.

cards 3 and 4 present your hopes and fears in reference to your question: Five of Pentacles An experience of poverty that forces one to look within for greater resources. This poverty may be personified as a lack of wealth or in a sense of emotional sterility.

The Star Success, good fortune,creativity. All is well with the world; your highest hopes are supported by the universe. Any feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are to be banished from your thoughts. Follow your dreams without fear or censure.

cards 5 and 6 offer additional information to be considered: Two of Pentacles The ability to juggle several situations at once � jobs, opportunities, ideas. Balance between the earthly and the spiritual.

Knight of Pentacles The ability, hard work, and wisdom necessary for creating opportunities for growth, beauty. Movement in this direction. The ability to work hard to create prosperity.

card 7 suggests an overview: Three of Wands An enterprise about to cumulate in success. The ability to transform goals into realistic action. Business success after a successful launching. Activity with clear intent. Uncanny.

Waters of March

If you're starting to see red, just calm down. And welcome to March. Named after Mars (Greek: Ares), the God of War.

According to Astrologycom :

"In general, Mars, the god of warriors, rules physical energy and efforts. His placement in your chart expresses the strength and direction of the physical force that drives your ego, your will to achieve. Mars fires your emotions and energizes your passions, but also powers your mental endeavours and communicative skills.

Mars describes male relationships and associations, risk-taking inclinations, and the physical challenges you are likely to encounter. Well-placed, Mars endows powerful energy and an indomitable will to succeed, but when poorly placed can mean accidents, injuries, fits of anger, rage, warfare or other forms of violence, according to the inclinations of the sign and house concerned.

Mars retrograde gives rise to irrational action; introspection; depression and self-assessment; sexual issues and relationship conflicts. Major rethinks and reorientation of current projects are also often required."

Ah, the retrograde. This site says that from December 20, 2009 through March 10, 2010, the planet Mars will be in retrograde motion:

"When Mars is retrograde, it depletes the vitality so that it is never a time to initiate. Whoever initiates loses— a new project, a great love, an argument, a lawsuit, or an international war. With a new project, it will fizzle out and never really go anywhere. With a hot romance, it too fizzles and it rarely gets to the altar. With an argument, the hostility will come back to haunt you later. In legal matters, stoke your opponent into initiating the lawsuit first. It will be etched in granite that they will lose. In an international war, whoever fires first will automatically lose or ultimately withdraw. Matters commenced while Mars is retrograde will be frustrated and plagued with disruptions until they finally fizzle out. At this time, people become irritated when activities do not run smoothly. The anger may disrupt indirectly and inappropriately – like getting a traffic ticket when you feel annoyed with your job."

Infinitynow  has a refreshingly direct take on what happens when Mars is in retrograde:

Mars is all about action. It’s the male libido, the life force, energy. Mars rules the motor nerves, ladder and adrenal glands, the head and face, red blood corpuscles. 

Mars is the energy that helps you go for it, win that race, it’s all out there, extraverted, aggressive, competitive, anger, war like, defensive. 

Every 2 years Mars decide he needs an R & R period, and he goes retrograde...So what happens when Mars goes Retrograde?   

Mars Retrograde makes a perfect compliment as the Martial energy is held back, instead of impulsively jumping into the fray, we weigh out our options in a more clarified well thought out way. Its more Taoist Art of War, never wasting any energy, conserving, balancing, harmonizing. Instead of haste making waste, pausing makes growth. 

Loss of recent gains, or rehashing of plans will happen during the retro mars phase...Your energy will be lower. You will be entertaining thought so why bother to try so hard? Questioning what that EGO thing is that drives you so hard, and for what?    

Everything will slow down, its as if the world will be feeling a large Intermission on the collective world stage of Life, and all the actors and actresses are sitting in their dressing rooms, rethinking their roles, their whys, with the ability to question and detach from the play itself and see it for what it is. 

Mars Retro gives you time, a very precious commodity. Slow down and breathe, appreciate the now, no need to go faster.  Complete old projects. Enjoy the now. The wheels of progress grind to a slow halt. Life becomes simpler, less rushed, simpler. Leo types may be grump and out of their element trying to stir up the old drama games, but not many takers."

And, as Lynn Koiner echoes:

"...using passive-aggressive techniques, manipulation, arbitration or subtle power plays may be more appropriate at this time. 'If you are normally non-assertive, you have be forced to defend yourself. Whatever your tactics, you must give thought to what you are doing. If your tactics do not work or they are inappropriate to the situation, your anger will continue to build while Mars is retrograde. You can expect the anger to manifest full-blown by the time Mars turns direct. If you have seriously wronged or angered another with…acts of aggression, you can expect the backlash as Mars turns direct.' ”

Mars returns full-throttle after March 10, but won't be redlining until May 17th. The Fixed Signs are Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. Scorpio is likely to be particularly hard hit, Mars being the traditional planetary ruler of Scorpio.

Till then, though they may be deep, let the waters of March lie still.

Fish Be With You

 

Yin & Yang: Just like two fish sixty-nining.

Pic from here.

 A brief overview of the Pisces sun sign:

The Pisces Sun sign  has an evolution from adolescence to adulthood, which is the Pisces person you met 10 years ago will be a completely different person today. This is attributed to the mysterious planet Neptune, one of the ruling planets for this sun sign this is compounded by the element for Pisces which is water. The other ruling planet for Pisces is Jupiter, the planet that offers to these people visions, wisdom and expansion. This would be the planet configuration model this astrologer would interpret as having the makings for clairvoyance. 

 

"The only way for you to get what you want...is to become a human yourself."

All these factors for the mate of this person would make for a hard to handle relationship in most cases. The Pisces male no matter what he tells you is perceptive and seeks both sensual prey and romance at the same time. This conflict more so than any other factor in his realm causes most to overindulge. Both the male and the female of this sign loves to be admired, pursued and to have a good time. Some famous Pisces are Patty Hearst, Michelangelo, Liza Minnelli, Liz Taylor, Lilli Taylor, Andrew Shue, Joan Crawford, Albert Einstein, Alexander Graham Bell, Ivana Trump, Rihanna, and Cindy Crawford, to mention just a few.

 

Look at this butt/Isn't it neat?/Wouldn't you think/My life is complete?

The first day of Pisces comes in full swing without looking back to the cusp that we are in. The person born on this day is influenced by both the Moon and Neptune the vast presents of Pisces element, water makes for a wavy emotional person but when we add Jupiter, the other ruling planet for Pisces, we see a wellspring of vision wisdom and the convictions of past experiences. Overall the February 20th person is an astute learner and will selflessly help to better the whole cause. 

 

Swim through the ocean floor/ Crash to the other shore...

A month to relax and reduce your schedule in order to give yourself a chance to recharge your batteries. You need this break, as you will be back in the thick of the action before you know it. A Full Moon at the end of the month can seem to bring up a lot of emotion which can affect your relationships. Don’t make any decisions on the spur of the moment. Wait a while!

Under the sea...under the sea...

Pic from here.

2010 will be a Number Seven year for you. Ruled by Neptune. This is a year of preparation, chance, and refinement. It is not a time of dramatic changes. Instead, it's a year when reflection on the past is helpful, and when refinements to your life path should be made. It's a good year to study and analyze. Unexpected twists to your life story and "chance" meetings are probable. Advice - take stock of your life in order to prepare for more exciting years to come, examine the past and plan for the future, get in touch with your deepest needs and uncover your personal power, don't strain yourself or actively try to expand.

And I was born in the sign of water, and it's there that I feel my best...

Pic from here.

This year you would be opposing many of your employer's policies and methods. It would be extremely difficult for you to keep your thoughts to yourself, which would create problems for you at times. You need to behave in a very tactful manner to avoid arguments and confrontations. Your earnings would increase but you need to control your spending. You and your beloved would reach a new level of understanding. You would also accomplish a lot together which would bring happiness and peaceful atmosphere at home. Health of someone close in the family would be a matter of serious concern. The months of April, July, September and December would be important.

999

September 9, 2009. 3 a.m.

999 @ The Witching Hour.

I just remembered we're still in the middle of the Chinese Ghost Month. Although the peak was supposed to be last September 2, the ghoulish party won't be over till the 18th.

Swell.

I didn't feed any hungry ghosts. I'm not even Chinese.

THUD!

I like to think the incessant blagadags going on outside the window are just the overripe mangoes falling from the tree.

THUD!

There goes another. It doesn't help, though, that ghost hunters say that loud thuds and thumps and knocks are some of the audible ways spirits communicate with the living. And that big old mango trees are one of the favorite kinds of trees that elementals like to inhabit.

It also doesn't help that all my Third Eye pals say that whenever we talk of ghosts, they tend to gather round and listen in.

THUD!

Interestingly, I also finished an anime double-feature earlier in the evening: Spirited Away* and Grave of The Fireflies**.

THUD! THUD!

Cell phone buzzes.

Text from our cashier. From a business venture that I have left for dead.

Now there's one ghastly enterprise I truly wish would stop haunting me.

My grandfather always did say "Never fear the dead. Fear the living."

All quiet now. Time for bed.

*A full-length animated feature from Studio Ghibli, released in 2001. It won the 2002 Oscar for Best Animated Feature (only the second Oscar ever awarded for Best Animated Feature), the first anime film to win an Academy Award, the first (and so far only) non-English speaking animation to win, and the only winner of that award to be traditionally animated or win among five nominees (in every other year there were three nominees). The film also won the Golden Bear at the 2002 Berlin International Film Festival (tied with Bloody Sunday). Spirited Away overtook Titanic in the Japanese box office to become the highest-grossing film in Japanese history.

**"Hotaru no Haka" is a 1988 animated film written and directed by Isao Takahata .This is the first film produced by Shinchosha, who hired Studio Ghibli to do the animation production work. It is an adaptation of the semi-autobiographical novel of the same name by Akiyuki Nosaka, intended as a personal apology to the author's own sister.

Past Lives

I've always taken a bemused interest in the occult, thanks to a mother who had a steady parade of geomancers, fortune-tellers, and manghihilots of all stripes traipsing through our home and pointing out where all the bad feng shui was coming from (all right, all right, they were coming from the black dwarfs festering in that open old well under the living room floor! The one my dad steadfastly refuses to tear up.) To be fair, they were consistent, to the point that I could mimic the next geomancer and point to where the invisible old lady was (in the patio), where the impakto lived (in the big mango tree underneath the water tower) and where the white dwarfs held court (near the grotto) - much to my mother's consternation.

Anyway, I ran across one of those internet tests where they tell you your past life. With nothing better to do, I inputted the required data and these are my results:

Your past life diagnosis: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Thailand around the year 900. Your profession was that of a monk (nun), bee-keeper or lone gunman.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:There is an invisible connection between the material and the spiritual world. Your lesson is to search, find and use this magical bridge.

Do you remember now?


Ahhh...no, I don't. It HAS been several lifetimes ago, you know? But "Verrrrryyyy interesting", as a camp spy movie villain would say. I had a Chinese client, a very nice lady who was heavily into reincarnation and all that past-life jazz, and she had taken my birthdate and consulted a very thick book to determine who I was before I was who I am today. She did say I was a woman in one past life, but not in Thailand and certainly not some heat-packing, bee-keeping nun.

I was a beautiful (a quality so important in any life) 16th century Italian (Venetian, Venetian, say I was Venetian!) gold-digging femme fatale (is there any other kind?) who forsook her friends in favor of fortune (okay, I want Angelina Jolie in the role, stat!). I suppose the "talent for drama, natural born actor" aspect in the internet readout would've been very useful for slithering, scheming, sexy me at that point. So would the "inquisitive, inventive, wants to get to the bottom of things and rummage in books" part, although that sounds eerily like my accountant - especially the "inventive" part. She also said that in another past life, I used to be the father to my other client and her husband, who used to be siblings, in turn. Hmmm...as their former father, I don't think I want to get into the incestuous ramifications of my ex-progeny's decision to get married in THIS lifetime, soooooooooooo..........

...........back to gold-digging me. It's interesting to note that my supposed lesson is to discover that invisible, magical bridge between the material world and the spiritual world. In a previous post, I had railed about how work had taken over my life, and how my relentless pursuit of money (let's not kid ourselves; I don't knock myself out for the sake of art) has turned me into a horrible friend and a terrible son. So maybe they've actually got something here.

Oh, an invisible, magical bridge! It reminds me of the one Sarah Palin built to go nowhere. But since we're trying to learn life lessons here and avoid getting reborn as, oh I dunno, Paris Hilton's crabs, I'll be a good boy and say it reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, where Indy literally had to take a "leap of faith" over a gaping chasm to land on an invisible bridge. Since my eyesight is already bad, I guess I'm just gonna have to grope for that bridge before I can cross it. Still, I'll find it...yes, I'll find it. If I search until I dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (na na na, ya ya ya ya ya, na na na, na na na ya ya)

But until then, I guess I'll be living in a material world, for I was a material...

...a material...

...a material girl!