Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Get Your Panties In A Bunch

At one point in the toy-commercial-masquerading-as-a-movie G.I. Joe: Retaliation , lead characters Duke (Channing Tatum) and Roadblock (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) underscore their homoerotic bromance with the following exchange:

        Roadblock : It's up. Like your panties.  
        Duke : You love my panties.
                             Roadblock : ... 
Especially when I slip them off your fine, fine ass.

Now, I'd have chalked up this witless banter to bad, baaaad screenwriting had The Rock not been gushing over Tatum's good looks IRL:

It's not just us girls who think Channing Tatum is hot - his co-star The Rock also thinks the Magic Mike star is a hunk too!
          The wrestler (real name Dwayne Johnson) worked closely with Tatum on their   
          latest action movie G.I. Joe: Retaliation and by the sound of it, he's now got a   
          little man crush on Channing.

          In fact, Johnson even thinks the 32-year old heartthrob deserved to be named the Sexiest Man Alive by   
          People magazine last year.

          "He's a good looking guy," Dwayne said at the London premiere of the movie this week. "World's sexiest 
           man by People magazine."

          "Love Channing. (He's a) Great, great guy. Very humble. Very cool. I'm very happy for all his success."

Then again, this isn't an entry about Dwayne Johnson's comfortability with his sexuality.

Nor slashfic about Duke N' Roadblock.

Let's talk about Channing Tatum's panties again.

More specifically: what are your thoughts on lingerie for men?

This is just so wrong, on many levels. I mean, a man and...and... a woman?!?

Anecdotally, I actually know a very built, masculine, straight guy whose love of wearing panties is an open secret among us, his friends.

After the initial months of ribbing from us, the fact that he wears women's silk panties under his jeans is as much a non-issue as his haircut or whether he shaved that day or not.

Maybe he's a grower.

Now, while I'm happy my friends are comfortable enough in their skin to publicly declare what they wear next to their privates, I'm not quite so sure about the wonders of "mangerie."

I like to think of myself as open-minded as the next guy, but maybe I draw the line at wearing feminine underthings.

Kinda changes the context of the whole "'Sup, brah?" thing.

It's hard enough to admit that I'm on the fence in the eternal Tighty Whities Vs. Boxers debate (for the record: I prefer athletic boxer briefs). Throwing Thong Vs. Teddy Vs. C-String into the mix would be enough to set me free balling again.

Awww... a lace teddy bear.

I understand, though, that there are a number of not-necessarily-gay Filipino men who actually enjoy wearing women's undergarments. They're not necessarily fetishists or cross-dressers : one simply admitted to me that he loves the soft feel of silk or satin against his nether regions, compared to say, cotton, which can sometimes be scratchy.

But that brings up the question: why not just buy silk men's boxers or briefs?

And speaking of scratchy, I think lace is nice to look at, but it looks itchy as all hell. Just imagining it sitting next to my testicles makes me want to scratch them till they're raw.

Unless you're Dennis Rodman. In which case you're far away 
enough from sanity to wear whatever you goddamn please.

If I sound like somebody put starch in my bloomers, maybe it's because I'm just an old-fashioned guy.

Or maybe because guys in panties just simply look ridiculous.

And I'm / Too sexy/ For this thong


  1. Between lingeries and boxers, I'd rather wear nothing under at all - like I tend to do now that the weather is becoming intolerable.

    1. On the surface, that sounds logical, JM.

      But Humidity + Freeballing = Swamp Ass

  2. This was actually a really amusing post!


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