Friday, March 30, 2012

Consummatum Est













It is finished.




And I don't think Jesus wept.


Neither have I. But I will.




Soon, I hope.


Because I need to.




And could I be more cryptic?




Yes. Yes, I can.




-------------


Edit.




And finally, alone in my room, seconds after posting, the long-awaited tears fell.


Hot on my cheeks, pent-up emotions flowing from deep wells.


I weep for all that is lost.


I weep for all that will now be forever gone.


And all I needed to say was


"I will miss you all."


And yes, welcome tears.


Fall, fall, fall.
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22 comments:

  1. citybuoyMarch 31, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    Rudie, nanlamig ako ng bonggang bongga. Please don't let this be what I think it is. I will miss you so much. Please don't. :'(

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    1. rudeboyMarch 31, 2012 at 9:41 AM

      What, Nyl? The blog's been sluggish. but I'm not shutting it down, if that's what you're worried about.

      On the contrary,i t will serve as witness for the twists and turns of my life - such as the one I wept for above.

      Delete
  2. red the modMarch 31, 2012 at 2:06 AM

    I hope it's a resignation, and not something more grave.

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    Replies
    1. rudeboyMarch 31, 2012 at 9:43 AM

      "Grave."

      Heheh.

      No, red, it's not a matter of life-and-death.

      But something big did die. And we are all adrift because of it.

      Delete
  3. Ming MeowsMarch 31, 2012 at 8:02 AM

    intrigued. but just like in the song, i hope "there's a rainbow always after the rain."

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    Replies
    1. rudeboyMarch 31, 2012 at 9:44 AM

      There's usually mud and sludge after the rain, Ming, but thanks just the same for your cheerful consolation.

      Delete
  4. Désolé BoyMarch 31, 2012 at 9:56 AM

    Remember that "magic cave" of Justine in Melancholia? I wish I could take you there Ruddie. I wish I could.

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    Replies
    1. rudeboyMarch 31, 2012 at 10:36 AM

      I've been both Claire and Justine for the past two weeks, DB. A gasping wreck one day, a dazed automaton the next.

      Strangely - or perhaps not - Melancholia did cross my mind during the unfolding of this momentous event in my life. As the end drew nearer, I remembered Claire gazing through that wire thingamajig and her desperate terror as the rogue planet loomed ever-bigger in the sky.

      Then, as the destruction began, I remembered Justine and her calm equanimity as they sat in the "magic cave."

      And then it was done.

      Delete
    2. Désolé BoyApril 1, 2012 at 11:27 PM

      Well, I am always "Justine" but this is about you, so...
      .
      .
      Anyway, I trust that you'll be able to pull it off in the end. C'mon, don't let [me] us hanging here. You see, even a cynic and a von Trier worshiper as myself see something "positive" to hope for beyond destruction that is melancholia. Freedom comes in many form, right?
      .
      .
      Let me share this. It was said that Lars von Trier once dreamed of meeting a red fox. Then a silver one with little cubs that told him not to trust the first fox. So allow me to tell you now, "never trust the first fox you meet."

      Delete
    3. rudeboyApril 2, 2012 at 10:16 PM

      It wasn't a fox that I met, DB.

      I met wolves.

      Three of them.

      All in sheep's clothing.

      Delete
  5. AnonymousMarch 31, 2012 at 3:46 PM

    Hugs, ruddie...

    ReplyDelete
  6. gillboardApril 1, 2012 at 10:22 AM

    dont know what this is about but i do hope you're okay.

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    Replies
    1. rudeboyApril 1, 2012 at 2:20 PM

      You'll know what this was all about when we finally meet, gb. Which would be soon, I hope.

      As with everything else, of course this, too, shall pass. I'm just in its wake at the moment.

      Heh. "Wake."

      And if my reaction sounds bereaved, in many ways it's appropriate, because I'm mourning the death of something.

      Delete
    2. gillboardApril 10, 2012 at 2:02 AM

      let's do that meet up ruddie.

      Delete
  7. MugenApril 1, 2012 at 9:19 PM

    Happy Independence Day, Ruddie. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. KaneApril 2, 2012 at 11:47 AM

    Rudeboy, how are you? You have crossed my mind these past few weeks.

    Who will you miss? Did someone leave? Too many questions .. too little time.

    But ... if I may, it's either you left or they left. Someone's left alone. Things will never be the same again.

    So we begin anew. That's the thing with new beginnings. Something always has to end.

    Kane

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    1. rudeboyApril 2, 2012 at 10:18 PM

      Closing time
      Every new beginning
      Comes from some other
      Beginning's end.

      Delete
  9. A.DimaanoApril 2, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    i have experienced, seen, and read this kind of situation (feeling) before.

    in time, it'll be okay ... you'll be okay.

    but of course you know that already.

    so just a kiss from me to you. :)

    OT: just got a copy of Melancholia, now i have to see it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. rudeboyApril 2, 2012 at 10:20 PM

      Thanks for the kiss, Mrs. Colby.

      And if you can endure Von Trier's nausea-inducing camerawork in the first part of Melancholia, you will be amply rewarded for your patience.

      Delete
  10. SeanApril 9, 2012 at 12:58 PM

    Hi Rudie. Missed your blog. Damned great firewall of China. Dont know what's up but i hope you're ok. Hugs...

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    Replies
    1. rudeboyApril 9, 2012 at 11:43 PM

      Hey, Sean. So nice to hear from you, and yes, damn that Great Firewall. Been reading your entries, as well. Hope your little vacay makes you feel better about the things that have been bugging you lately.

      Thanks for the hugs. 'Tis but the swells and ebbs of life, alas. Hugs to you and the S.O., too :)

      Delete

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