Saturday, April 24, 2010

Noir Noir

Since my good pal Eternal Wanderer has recently endured una notte scura dell'anima  - no doubt in part to his ongoing encounters with femme fatales - I thought I might cheer him up with this little gem.

Some things are universal and self-explanatory. So watch the video first, before you read the transcript:

But in case you're not into Robert de Niro waiting, talking Italian, here's the English translation :

Voiceover: After Brokeback Mountain, gay movies were legitimized.
                  And classic movies will never be the same again.

[Interrogation scene]

Guy1: Have you killed Mr. Boz?
Woman: Obviously, no.
G2: Do you use drugs, Miss Tramell?
W : Sometimes.
G3: Have you ever used drugs with Boz?
W : Sure.
G2: What kind of drugs?
W : Cocaine... Have you ever done it under the effect of cocaine, Nick?

[Woman opens legs]
[Detectives' surprised reaction shots]
[Woman crosses legs]
[Detectives look at each other]


G2: Disgusting, close those legs!
G3: I've never seen something so disgusting!

G1: Oh my God, I feel unconscious, I'm about to faint... omg omg!
G3: Oh, Nick! Nick!

G2: Nick! Nick, air! Air, baby.
G3: Unbutton his jacket!
G1: God, I saw she was looking at me... MONSTER! Oh God, noooooo (cries) 

G3: Viper!
G1: Handcuff the legs of that WITCH! (wails) 

G2: Macho macho man ♫...


Voiceover : After Brokeback Mountain, even Basic Instinct will never be the same.  


  1. AHAHAAHAHAHAHAH@monstra!!!

    sei un monsto orrendo, il mio amico ;)

  2. Somehow, Ternie, that's exactly how I imagine you reacting to misguided feminine wiles.

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  4. that's terrible! haha super funny! i especially love 1:30 when he shouts monstraaaaa in a super high pitch haha he would've given siobhan magnus a run for her money lol