Noir Noir

Since my good pal Eternal Wanderer has recently endured una notte scura dell'anima  - no doubt in part to his ongoing encounters with femme fatales - I thought I might cheer him up with this little gem.

Some things are universal and self-explanatory. So watch the video first, before you read the transcript:




But in case you're not into Robert de Niro waiting, talking Italian, here's the English translation :

Voiceover: After Brokeback Mountain, gay movies were legitimized.
                  And classic movies will never be the same again.

[Interrogation scene]

Guy1: Have you killed Mr. Boz?
Woman: Obviously, no.
G2: Do you use drugs, Miss Tramell?
W : Sometimes.
G3: Have you ever used drugs with Boz?
W : Sure.
G2: What kind of drugs?
W : Cocaine... Have you ever done it under the effect of cocaine, Nick?
 
[Woman opens legs]
[Detectives' surprised reaction shots]
[Woman crosses legs]
[Detectives look at each other]

 All: AGGGHHHHHH!!!
G2: Disgusting, close those legs!
G3: I've never seen something so disgusting!
G1: Oh my God, I feel unconscious, I'm about to faint... omg omg!
G3: Oh, Nick! Nick!
G2: Nick! Nick, air! Air, baby.
G3: Unbutton his jacket!
G1: God, I saw she was looking at me... MONSTER! Oh God, noooooo (cries) 
G3: Viper!
G1: Handcuff the legs of that WITCH! (wails) 
G2: Macho macho man ♫...


[end]
 
Voiceover : After Brokeback Mountain, even Basic Instinct will never be the same.